When's the last time you did something for the first time?

Everything is status. Everything is numerical without any actual signifance. Everything is cookie cutter, but there's not really anyone willing to do the dishes afterwards. But in the same breath no one actually knows what happens behind the scenes, as long as they've spent a pretty penny on an underwhelming cookie -to say that they purchased it. how intelligent in a society thats profittable one minute, but undiscliped the next. We're so focused on the wrong things, until it becomes critical -something the mind can't go without. so much so, that critizing the realness in another has become freaking marketable? we've overly watched those who fought to be here, only to be knocked down a peg,by the same ones that positioned them one with the stars, because of what? We've said we'd change, but here we are back in the same room with enough money in our pockets to do away with the padded walls, while laughing at the next room with padded walls -just waiting a...

Ughhhh it's been awhile, hasn't it? I think that should be my new tagline, if not my entire header, because I'm always leaving before I can fully imprint with the very thing that makes my soul fly. I'm always turning off the lights, while losing my mind while also downplaying how much I woodenly deadpan my whole existence. I'm always scanning for the crowd and absolutely nothing -at the same time. I'm always setting deadlines, before the day begins. It's like I'm giving myself a head start to cancel myself out before my potential calls in all that's good and owed to me. so if you're like me: one of a kind but choosing to be matter without exactly mattering, then this blog is for you, and you alone. so grab some snacks and let's get into it, because I'm shinning a spotlight on visibility, and how it's frees what's been trying to desperately cling onto your light, while also wishing to snuff it out -to snuff you out! wher...

It's truly been a while. I loved this segment. I loved pulling up a digital chair and or booth -mostly booths to eat with you. I loved the conversations, the raw emotions spilled just after the syrup was poured. I loved the opening, the set up before the opening, but most of all I just loved having you here. You were so loyal, you came everytime I called, so of course I had the follow the yellow brick road like my name was Dorothy, which led me here . My wonderous need to fulfill my lackluster, gave me the brilliant idea of picking this old but definitely not faulty segment back up, because what's a blog without a digital diner column. So grab a seat, any seat and just like before ...this meal is on the house. I wanted to have an enlightening conversation, one that sparks the motherload, but doesn't sizzle the entirety of it's productivity. You get what I mean? and be honest, because unsure comprehensions causes wobbly elbows, and wobbly elbows causes knocke...

I try so hard to stay within my own bubble, to stay far far away from those who are wounded. wounded guys I mean. but ughhhh something about them is so damn tasty. something about their broken wings makes something inside of me stir. it makes my feel like I can do it. like I can both revel and live within my trut,h while saving the guy that I can so clearly see I had a past life with in another lifetime -at some point. but why now? why must we meet like this in this lifetime? why did we cross paths when we did, and how the hell can I go back in time, so that I could've stayed at my event later to have manipulated my footing so that brushing shoulders with you wouldn't have come into fruitation, because what if I wanted to keep all of my fruits for myself. I hate sharing when I'm the one who eats so little. but anyways, stay put. and grab a snack or two or perhaps a drink or three and lets see if my very nature will either facilitate a new version of myself, or impede th...

I think the "what if's" are dangerous, yet so delicious. it's the knowing and the unknown that bends the reality within us causing our thoughts to explore unseen realms. I'm always running mental marathons around the polarity in "what if's", and how without them I would feel so lost, but when it's entirety surrounds my orbit it makes me want to vomit. I needed to express myself, and the only way I knew how was to switch on my bedroom light, while choosing to type away. I never know what to say, but still I always find myself here -in the same place. The place that allows me to be, me. so what if, I end it here. what if I stop typing and end the words here, or what if I keep going. who will I be a second from now, or even an hour from now -if I let it all out? and what could stop me if I was too gullible to see past the illusions. to see past the designs created by others who are also wrapped in the "what if's". this short but ver...

Who am I, to you. better question. Who was I, to you, when you weren't too busy trying to bait me. To catch a sea creature that wasn't meant to be caught. to only be simply admired. you tried to over take me by constantly over stepping my boundaries. you were indeed selfish. always taking four steps instead of just two. you became familiar with my character for all the wrong reasons. you weren't looking at me in admiration, you were looking at me in hopes of studying me. in hopes of anazlying my greatness. to catch any sign of availability to engage in petty little dramas. but saying you waited untill I was available is a total lie, because half the time you were only inviting yourself into my plans, to ruin them. to destroy my contentment, by baiting me in things, I swore to myself in private never to entertain. ever again. it's like you were stalking me, only to take notes to put me on trial, later on. later when you insecurities became too much to sit within, o...

You thought that you ruined me. stopped me. changed me. You thought your confusion, manipulation, and projected insecurities altered me, and my state of reality. you blended both overbearing love with fatal attraction, making you the perfect fusion of both unrealistic demands, and the need to sabotage who you admired me to be -before you knew just how extreme my aura could be. and for a while I thought so too. I thought you reversed the greatness that was instilled in me, and for some time I was afraid, and what was even more damaging, was the fact that I was afraid to admit this. I was scared to admit this to myself. and this is when I stopped creating. stopped believing that I had stories to tell. I couldn't even create one story. one single story. your negativity was heavy, and even though you showed me how your mind worked, and how much peace you weren't allowing yourself to live within -your cynicism wasn't meant to pierce me indefinitely into severing what I was al...

I'm here, long awaited... yes, but I'm still here. I'm no longer surviving; I've been thriving, but in the mist of finally living, I still haven't been speaking. I'm still not talking, and when we're not talking, how can we possibly even create. Express. Self- expression is everything, but it becomes a hard burden to shake if you're allowing your body to crumble instead of rebuilding itself, by doing what we have always done -evolve. We were placed here to evolve, and to grow into sometihng great beyond the human consciousness could ever fathom, and although some of us have already grasped that concept -a lot of us are still just scratching the surface. but how long will we stay where we've outgrown, knowing that all its ever done is kill us, by striking us down. I've been getting these nasty rashes on my throat, and I've been getting them for years, off and on, and although I have been creating, I haven't been releasing as m...

I should've left a long time ago. I should've stopped hitting certain energies up just because of the simple fact that I was bored. I should've been more helpful to myself and not just to other people -especially those who sought after my naviety and loneliness, as well as my openiness. I was telling too much of myself to greedy people. I was talking too much to people who made metal notes for all the wrong reasons. The thing is, I also make mental notes but those mental notes are simply to place objects where they need to be placed, since I like to capture moments filled to the brim with substance. Have you done things you wished you would've cut off sooner? have you missed the red flags for reasons only you want to admit? did you miscalculate your steps or even the timeframe to how long you'd be wrapped up in lab grown carats? did you stop listening to those above you, say your spirit guides? I wonder where you are now that you lost your way? I wond...

some of us aren't creating right, or we're not creating at all. we're not subjecting ourselves to fluidity as an artist usually does, because we're not energetically aligned. we're not agreeable with the magnetic flow that the universe has to offer -that it has to offer to us all. we're just not doing right by ourselves, when we're forcing ourselves to create when we're just not ready, and to be frank with bob, most times getting "ready", takes longer than one is willing and able to admit. I'll take myself for an example, there are some things I need to wrap up. There are some things that need completing on my end, but in the same instance, it truly is complicated for me to be in that natural flow of being to give the goods a chance to stand on their own. A chance at freedom. A chance that's promised, and not breeched. even I have those moments when I'm not myself, and I'm forced to rewild myself. to reclaim myself. ...

Welcome to a new segment. A new edition to my night blogs, because words are seemingly less likely to be a nuisance when nighttime hits, wouldn't you agree? I wonder if anyone is grasping that nothing ever lasts. Even the good things have to come to an end, whether that's through absoultion, or parasitic maggots. I hope I'm not the only one looking for substance, with a head full of jacksh!t. I hope I'm not talking to myself, but if I am, I think I'm okay with that, because classics are often overlooked. I was gifted words to tell, but delving into the wrong portals tends to leave me expressionless. So if you're here too, if you're also up too, lets internalize Nyx's medicine, shall we. Nyx wants us to know that the dark can offer things the light could never give. The darkness isn't as selfish as society tries to make it seem, if anything flesh and bone, has done more harm than our fellow universal and cosmic beings. What do you want for ...

Your interconnectedness is trying to tell you something, especially if your days consists of random symbolisms that all seemingly align together, on a deeper and spiritual level. Things that are often hidden seemed to expose themselves in a silent way. The messages are always subtle to the untrained mind. It takes an explorer to want to dive deep, and to actually find some sort of depthness that makes the seeker want to continously do it again. It's been awhile since I've explored this deep, and since I've been thinking on a aimless level, I've actually been gaining some insight as to who I am, and who I can become -if i stay on this path that centers itself around curiosity. So let's be a spectacle within the universe for a day, shall we? Everything matters, while everything holds no weight. Light is often rushed darkness, and darkness is often hoards of light with an urgency to leave this lifetime behind. Darkness with no noise is basically reflection at...

Welcome to a land where nothing ever matters, but is frequently survellianced. Welcome to a place where people gather around but no one ever speaks, or at the least says anything too incriminating, or anything at all. Welcome to a dark spot in a happy person's life, meaning to act sad on purpose if it means they'll get to live on another day, if it means they can go unnoticed, by staying under the radar. Welcome to nature's greatest individuals who's both artistic, and at the same time uncanny. Welcome to a hill that was never supposed to be as big as it is, or at least no one ever expected it to be as big as it is -today. Ladies and Gents welcome to freakin' SILENT HILL I feel alone, even with the good times, I often want to hide away. Most times my vortex is in tact, and then there are times when I'm talking too much. I'm telling horrid people way too much. and I'm always left feeling like half of me died. see, my hands are loving, but they qui...

Something big is happening. Something ginormous is going to come forth -for us all. Something amazing. Something unexplainable. Something that cannot be ignored, even if that small voice in your head tries to tell you otherwise. It's time for an upgrade. Hell, your soul level contract upgrade is wayyyy past over due. And often times it hurts more when we realize that we were the only one and or circumstance standing in our own path towards greatness. But aborting the mission you were sent here to do, has to get done in one way or another, just let it be by you. Let the greatness come from you, and nobody else. Yes, creating a life for yourself can be rather hard, but if measured to any other task(s), its by far the easiest job in the world. To be able to create things that matter, and at the same time doesn't really matter, is overtaking -in a breathtakingly way. Maybe you're figthing yourself so damn hard, because you're trying to go at this artisitc life ...

don't forget how good times feel. don't forget how good it feels when the air is clean, and the scene is fulfilling. Hell, don't forget the peace when you're surrounded by man- made madness. let's not forget empty promises and hard truths, when realization set in. this new season calls for change and possibly a lot more rain, but what if we could turn pouring rain into thunderous reign. you're not alone, but you are missing, but that doesn't mean that you cannot be found. how about we forgive ourselves, and find our way back home. and most of all don't forget how winning feels, when wholeness replaces hollowness. since we're here lets talk pleasant dreams, and insanity or out-of-sanity, or possibly even time and how it doesn't really erase mistakes, but it does somehow create quality distance between what you've done, and who you've become after the fact. some people are drinking too much, and then there are people who ar...

Tell me you wanted this? Tell me you wanted to be here right now, instead of anyhwere else? Tell me night and or evening blogs are sometimes better than daytime blogs? I mean isn't the night more quiet, and more hallow -which does a person like me right. I can't remember a night, I felt completely dispelled by its comfort, even if I did feel a little less like myself, and a lot more sad. I was dealing with purposeful emotions, but I was allowing them to go to waste. and for what? but forget the wasted potential, because tonight (right now) I have all the tools I need to put on a show -a night show that is. grab your snacks, and your warm tea. I'm sipping on mango ginger tea mixed with a tranquility blend. I'm looking for peace. all you need to know is, I'm looking to relax my digestive system, and the only way to do that is through warmth, and reassurance, because when your body knows you best wouldn't you want to feed it the right things, so that you...

Don't be surprised if old energies from the past reach out to you. Don't be shellshocked if it feels like you're going backwards. Trust me, it'll get hard in the beginning with the whole season change and everything for that manner. You'll feel the breeze, and it'll knock you off balance at first, but how you replenish yourself afterwards is important. I want you to get it, things will change and in the mist of new routines will come old ones. Old energies trying to knock you off balance. Your ambitions will test you, and their intentions will be heavily disguised if they're clever this time. They'll want to take you away from this new reality, from this new earth with a plan to keep you stuck in the possible memories you made with them this summer. Maybe those memories were naughty or maybe they were telling, but wherever it lands on your meter of infliction,s just don't let it deter you. It's like with upgrades come leeches, leech...

Promise me you'll see the world this September. Promise me things will be different this time around. Promise me you'll succeed in switching out summer's colors, with fall's earthy color palette. Promise me. Promise me, life won't pass you by, because you made it so. P romise me you've made a vision board for this month and this month alone, because confusion promises unfulfilling stress that isn't in correspondence to those who are considered to be -straight edge. Please just assert yourself this September, and carry out this month's goals - no matter how big or how small. We're allowing our ego to die, because we've seen mostly everyone around us either rise up or fall apart for the millionth time over. And I don't know about you, but after a while, I get tired of living the same life with no great ideas being picked apart to study its wholeness. Go outside for a litte bit, and breathe in the weather change for a little bit, because so...

I wonder what's new for you. What has you in a chokehold, and what has you begging for change. What has the universe been sending you in order for you to get the hint that there's a life out there for you. don't asnwer these qestions just yet, I only want you to accept radical change, by falling into alignment with this lovely new season. The weather is changing, and the leaves are starting to fall in a cutesy way... wouldn't you agree? Hold that thought. I have some veggies on the stove that need my attention, BRB. Okay I'm back, and what do you know it started raining. I'll be one hundred percent with you, I haven't been really checking the weather app at all this summer, because in my reality everyday is a perfect day. Everyday is a perfect day to not get sucked in a vortex you don't deem as worth being sucked into. So, with that let's ponder upon this wonderful season ahead. Whether you feel low or high, it's always recommeded to ...

Today's a great day. Today's bright and not so heavy. I don't know about you, but I've been following happiness, and yes sometimes unsound happiness often times leads me to the edge of the world, but just like Coraline, I always have the choice to come back. I'm so sorry. I saw Coraline a few days ago, all by my lonesome, and it was the best thing that I could've done. I enjoyed it, and I didn't feel bad about it, plus people are more prone to spark up conversations with you when you're alone, and on top of that its so easy to be myself when I'm alone. When I'm alone, no one gets a free ticket at annoying me and or pointing out my flaws that aren't just flaws, but another addition to my people skills and how much awareness I have for others outside of myself. I mean why is it always the people who lack awareness that are always making comments about how good of person you are -its like they more than anything would love for you to be fake...