When's the last time you did something for the first time?

I feel honored. I feel like a new person. I always feel anew when I change everything I despise about myself. I've always considered myself to be some sort of shapeshifter. It takes a second for me to go from normal to animalistic. I'm easily approachable and then other times I'm always bringing out the worst in people, the envious nature in unhealed people. I was told something the other day, and it truly made my day. I felt seen when for so long I was hiding my best assets. I was going unnoticed when I really should've been doing everything in my power to make a difference to my former self. To heal your past self is to be the person who would've saved you in your past life . I've been channeling the color pink, and it seems like everything that it embodies has been making itself known -these past few days. I do know that words can strengthen us to and from our core. Words really do matter, and sometimes going with your first thought might land yo

Even though the trick is the same, and as corrupt as ever, the confusion is always a notch harder to swallow. The pain is always a bit rougher, and the headache seemingly feels more like a threat than a knowingly attack. It hurts. Trust me I know it. I know it so well, and I wish I didn't. But maybe I need this to somehow feel for others. Hell, I know I'm capable of feeling others and their shackles, their bruises. I can keep up, people closes to me have made that so. For a second there I was starting to act how toxic people would love for their victims to act. And for a while, a long while might I add, I actually thought I was the problem. I thought I was argumentative. Combative. Unable to see others perspective except my own. But of course it was all projected onto me with unprecious intents. I wanted a brand deal, but I didn't mean a tricky contract written and signed by the devil. I was always a sad person. What I liked was sad, it was diffcult to other

I think you're good, I think you're too good, and most times it hurts, doens't it? Your goodness has been your inevitable downfall, hasn't it? You've shown your teeth in the kindest of ways to the meanest people, am I right? I can also... maybe... predict that you're tired. I mean based off where your niceness has gotten you so far, I can see it hasn't done much good, now hasn't it? Well where I"m from southern hospitality is just a zipcode away, and even though I'm considered southern _ I truly see myself in some sort of early 2000's show where payback came with a little bit of fustration . Payback meant pure business, it meant stepping in and out of circles knowing that your footsteps were being admired. Both your fancy footwork and intellect kept you both sane and out of its true nature, but most of all I need you to come here, and sit a bit while I tell you about a person who gained the world, and learned that turning back would also

I liked the ball and how it was rolling, but then my energy went meek again. It went where it always goes when nothing seems attainable. I keep forgetting that this is my reality, and I can bring hail fire or sunshine. Its all up to me. No one has that much power over me or my day, if I surely make my reality that much stronger. No one can fire me, if if I already had a back up position, and no one can upset me if upset is something I wish not to feel, right? Right. I keep letting myself down only to remember that I, I am capable of so much more. I don't know if the birds outside my window somehow are helping me remember myself, or if its my house cat that sees the outside world as something he wants to claim, sooner rather than later. I think certain things are placed in our lives to help cater to our disorders until those disorders become organized accomplishments. I hear the world chattering, but none of it holds my kind of substance. I miss my throne, the one I had

Do you know what's more fun than being in the sun, being in sweetness. Juicy vibes are always one of nature's healing properities. What's rotten never ever comes up to the surface, but choosing to be brilliant as well as deliberate never showed significant signs of losing one's color, one's basket of fruits. I can never say goodbye to a potentially good day. I almost stayed in bed, but then I remembered satisfying energy only comes with a great vision. Gratitude comes after the affirmations are painted vibrantly. Smiles can only light up the room if they're real, if they're bright and not dull. I think I can be thankful for having a profound rest period. I got to indulge in what I was setting to the side. Yeah I may have to rearrange what's actually for me, and what's actually leaving behind traces of humble pie, but at least I showed up today, right. Why is it always a happy and vivacious day when I'm seemingly belonging to no one else

Isn't it a bit tacky, you know setting yourself up, up for failure, for an infamous halt. I've been keeping myself in a low point for so long, how about you? How long have you been erasing your potential, all because you can't stop thinking ? I've been hating everything all while doing the bare minimum. You know what's scandalous, waiting till the last minute to rearrange particular things within my life, knowing that it'll only cause me unnecessary stress, unneeded conversations with uncaring people. Right now I'm stuck in between a virtual chat, and an over the phone conversation, all because I couldn't let loose, all because I didn't feel like making progress. I didn't feel like fixing my problems when there weren't any, because I don't know. It's a trauma response. When everything is quiet I try my best to keep it that way. When I need to do certain things, I find comfort in putting those same things off, but then I alw