Intimacy came and went...

By Itgirl Overload
I was there and then I wasn't. They made me feel fascinating but then they took me off their self-proclaimed pedestal. The ball was definitely in my court, until I let it fall back into theirs. I wanted to use my mysterious aura for good but they wanted to downplay what I had to offer. I made them a god without even knowing it. I was too avalible and they sensed that.This person acted like they were different from the rest but of course this delusional person was and still is the same. They made me feel desperate. My good nature seems to always get me in a bind, so what were to happen if I were to disappear from those who wish to dismantle the good in me? Who would I become if their energy was no longer engulfed in mines? Would I become a superstar of a mega one?
This person was foolish, and most of all he wanted me to treat him like a queen would treat her king. He left out the part that I was the magical one too. I was the one who wanted to be saved and how could someone as delicate as myself carry someone as toxic as him. I was never toxic, but I did unleash a bit of worrisome, I'll admit that. I was trying to adjust what was so clearly unjust. He didn't see that I was falling hard, and I was already spelling his name against mines. He changed me in a way. He opened me up, and now I can see the coolness in myself, and the coldness in the world. Everyone has a motive, and if I'm to walk through life with my cowardly stupidity, how am I to keep going if I keep running into blood suckers and fame suckers. How we present ourselves in front of people looking to use us matters. It truly matters. If you don't take anything from this crappy blog at least take this, Switch up the roles. Heal yourself instead of just choosing to isolate everytime someone comes in to take the goodness in you. Change the story. Change your story. HE WAS CONVINICING, BUT THEN AGAIN I WAS DEALING WITH MY ISSUES... ISSUES THAT KEPT TURNING INTO MISTAKES THAT ONLY LEFT ME TO BLAME FOR SUCH A BEACON OF HOLLOWNESS BROUGHT ON BY OTHERS... WHO CLAIMED TO BE... NICE!!!! I understand now. I understand everything. xoxo ItGirl OverLoad xoxo

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