If I could escape...

By Itgirl Overload
I think I could possibly tell you the truth, if you were to tell me something made up, some sort of lie to include me without ever giving me the chance to feel marked, and or caught up in something that didn't really need my existence to begin with. It's just before midnight, and I'm writing to you, to anyone, just before my life changes tomorrow. I want proof that I knew greatness was possible, but I also want proof that my thoughts were there all along, and I wasn't having another psychosis attack if not blessed attack to somehow relieve myself of all of this deceit. I feel misunderstood and in most cases I love that about myself, but tonight I feel like I'm about to walk into new territory, and I somehow feel different this time. I don't know if I'm at all fearful or just excited that in this current moment, I know that I'm willing to do anything that it takes to leave this sad but made to believe "sweet "escape.
Maybe I'm sad or maybe the night lofi that I'm currently listening to -is rubbing off on me and the darkest parts of myself. I feel like Van Gogh, just before he got carried away by all of his sadness, and went on to mutilate himself. I feel like the moon without the sun's forgiviness. I feel like a combusted star. I want to move on but I also know that moving on will hurt. It'll hurt knowing that none of this was ever meant to last. The pain will mostly turn into more pain, but also I know that some hurts are better than no hurts. You know the empty hurts that have been around for so long that they slowly turn into numb wounds? You know the hurts that overtime turn into resentment. COME BACK ONLY IF IT'S JUST FOR A SECOND OR TWO!!!!! I'll be the first to say it... xoxo ItGirl OverLoad in a lonely world xoxo

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