self-sabotage is a bit tacky

By Itgirl Overload
Isn't it a bit tacky, you know setting yourself up, up for failure, for an infamous halt. I've been keeping myself in a low point for so long, how about you? How long have you been erasing your potential, all because you can't stop thinking? I've been hating everything all while doing the bare minimum. You know what's scandalous, waiting till the last minute to rearrange particular things within my life, knowing that it'll only cause me unnecessary stress, unneeded conversations with uncaring people. Right now I'm stuck in between a virtual chat, and an over the phone conversation, all because I couldn't let loose, all because I didn't feel like making progress.
I didn't feel like fixing my problems when there weren't any, because I don't know. It's a trauma response. When everything is quiet I try my best to keep it that way. When I need to do certain things, I find comfort in putting those same things off, but then I always find myself screaming when my tranquility gets ruined. I find myself wasting time when time is something I usually never run out of. Why do victims move so slow in fast pace settings? Why are we always trying to find absolution in repeated, but very vicious cycles. Why must we fu*k up when the whole world is watching us, waiting on us.Tacky is something I always become when I'm just trying to relax. I'M SITTING ON THE FLOOR IN BETWEEN WORLDS, TWO WORLDS I WISH NOT TO BE APART OF!!!! As a reminder, means nothing when I have great memory. xoxo ItGirl OverLoad xoxo

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