My crazy thoughts~ Time is frozen where I am

By Itgirl Overload
I've been up all night trying to find value in my own mind, or am I trying to devalue it? I've been overdosing to stay still... mentality or it is to stay physically still? I wonder who can see my silhouette when I'm pacing back and forth. Do I seem crazy to them, or can they relate to my madness? My antics aren't my own,but I carry them as such. Why? I try to destroy myself, but I can't quite do it right. I wanted to stop the pain, but all I did was delay a natural process -that my body's supposed to go through. I didn't mean to do it I swear, I just wasn't up to feel the pain my body is so used to feeling. I didn't know I would still suffer if not more.
My message to you is to go and even grow through the pain. I tried to stop my natural body flow, and now I'm up way past nine -trying to find some sort of conclusion to all of my fears. Something inside of me wants more, a difference I can't quite explain, but I know that I've been there before. My soul has already been where I yearn to go. Fragments of me stayed there, and now all of me wants to go back there. I want to leave all of this behind. I don't want this to be all that I know, but I know that in order to move on, I can't keep abandoning myself. I have to be a guardian to my darkest fears, and bypass the solitude that'll for sure demote my guaranteed removal of this outdated place. I'M GRATEFUL FOR THE CHANGE, BUT I'LL BE THE FULL VERSION OF MYSELF WHEN I LEAVE ALL OF THIS BEHIND!!!! There's a power outage in my mind, and instead of figuring out what's my next move, I'm taking things that only leave me paranoid and out of the state of in control. xoxo ItGirl OverLoad xoxo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Murder the unhinged video game controllers!!!!

By Itgirl Overload
Image
It was you. It was always you. It was you that played the video game and somehow your October wasn't all that bad. I mean maybe I'm speaking for myself, but I had to allow October to run it's course. I had to in fact allow october to run into a wall, so that I could handle what October's redundant handler was wickedly handling -time and time again. It's always been about time and what it's been overly doing. Life is mallory, but only to those who don't step in and take their reigns. I may or may not have refreshed what was so clearly being replayed. I couldn't stand all of my previous Octobers', and I had to cry it all out to be able to see November. Maybe I have a plan that doesn't allow some if not most energies to come with, but at least I can come back and be a confidant to your unlocal misery, right? What did October tether you to, and how did you make it here? How did you make it to November? Did you slide, crawl, run, skate, glide, walk
Read more

Friday Fun Foods ~Reward yourself along the way

By Itgirl Overload
Image
Who told you that rewarding yourself was bad? Who made you feel so small when you spent your hard earned money on yourself? Who made you believe that you were wasting your money? It's Friday which means I'm here to digitally give you a whole new perspective. Friday is a magical day, but it can easily become a ill sicking day, if you're not following the right path. The magical Friday path that is. I used to love Friday Fun Foods growing up, and I already know I would've died if my IBS awoken inside of me at that time in my life. Luckily I was able to experience Friday Fun Foods before my stomach took over without at least giving me a seat at the table to remove most of the symptoms if not all the crippling symptoms. Definitely all! But here I am an IBS experiencer experiencing the worst parts of my past before I can progess and move on. Let's talk rewarding yourself as well as those before you. It's impossible to move on without first helping those be
Read more

There's no better time like October...

By Itgirl Overload
Image
Honestly in October, I chose not to think. I chose not to think about what could take over me and make me something unexplainable. I'm choosing not to think about the possiblity of becoming a vessel to uncanny spirits. I mean how could I ever come up with the time to think along those lines if I'm too busy creating the best parts of myself. Why must I bury myself in meaningless items when I could get lost in things that have the utmost potential to matter to not only myself -but to the world. The weather is reminding me just how summer didn't do it for me. The cool breeze and not so sunny days are reminding me that beautiful things can still happen. I can just as easily turn over stones just like the next person. I'm no different from a better zipcode or a simplier time of place. My ice tea can be just as sweet as someone who didnt' work as hard to get the right ingredients. I mean sh!t... maybe the nothing that I have is the promise of getting everythin
Read more