(Night poetry) because I'm feeling both too little and too much!!!!

By Itgirl Overload
Oh, what a time to be alive, said no one ever when life is anything but livable. Do you too feel like you need to see something else to believe that things constantly happen, because there's a bigger reasoning as to why we're going through what we're going through, because in the end we'll get everything that we ever wanted? I don't know about you, but I'm so tried of people telling me to believe in something more, when all I know is everything that's considered to be evil. I mean I never asked for such evil, but after a while it becomes normal. It's like thriving down below is more thrilling than most people's chilling thoughts.
If I could learn how to banish retired thoughts, then maybe I wouldn't feel so low. Maybe I would finally feel that incredible high feeling that everyone seems to talk about. I'm sick of feeling stuck while also losing time. Time hasn't been a friend to me, it only passes me by while abusing me. How can I be my actual self, if I never really knew myself? Who should I be, if I've been who I never wanted to be for so d8mn long? I want out, but that would mean I must destroy myself first, and I sadly know how it feels to not be expected of anything. It feels too good, but also bad. It's like I crave peace, but I adore those who've given up on me. Make that make sense, because I've been trying for years on end and I don't know, if's it's my calculator or my mental state that doesn't seem to work properly. I WANT IT ALL BUT WHAT'S THE MEANING OF ALL!!!!! At some point even the strongest remove themselves all together. xoxo ItGirl OverLoad xoxo

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