When's the last time you did something for the first time?

Okay yeah maybe it hurts. Maybe I tried a little too hard. Maybe I wanted to keep myself numb while I tried to be someone else for a night or possibly two nights. I thought maybe I could make a mistake and it would roll off my chest, but here I am three or possibly four months later still trying to cover wounds that are taking too long to heal. I don't know maybe it's the aniema in me, or the slow smoker in me. I like a burn but I never wanted a slow burn. I wanted something real but I didn't want to actually work on myself long enough to see myself walk past you and act like someone you never spoke to. I totally believe in identity shifts, but it's like my mouth said too much too soon, and my body felt like it had no choice but to move along, and go with the flow -to go with the flow. To possibly go with the flow like a dead fish in a horrendous and forgotten river. I know I'll cross over this banana boat eventually but maybe if I shine some light on a topic